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Because the lack of it causes the break up of relationships. A few relationships break up because of violence or abuse, but the majority end because the couple were just not compatible. It's the biggest issue because a lack of compatibility means you're wasting your time trying to work out what's going wrong with the deeper dynamics in your relationship. Great compatibility makes it a relationship worth fighting for so it's important you figure out the difference.

The majority of people that end up in marriage or relationship counselling are trying to patch up relationships where they are simply not compatible. You could learn some great new communication skills and get along a little better but frankly it's like applying chocolate icing to a cake made of sawdust. It's kind of OK but not terribly satisfying. Why is being compatible necessary?

So that's 'sexual chemistry'. The next component of compatibility is 'best friend'. This is a little less obvious but more important later on in a relationship. One place where your chances of remaining best friends can be seen is in the area of what you value in life. I'll exaggerate this example to make it easier to appreciate.

Let's say you value adventure. You love nothing more than exploring new, challenging areas of rarely visited parts of the planet. The partner you've hitched up with has one of his highest values as routine. He loves to have a routine - for work, for play, for sex!

After you're both over the initial romantic phase of your relationship you will have a major issue. One of you wants to go off exploring the world, one of you wants to do the same old things over and over again. The best that can happen here is a compromise which is going to disturb both of you as your partner is effectively preventing you from doing one of the things that you love most in life. You're also preventing him from fulfilling his value. Neither of you is wrong, you're just not compatible in this particular area of your life.

Now imagine a couple with not just one incompatible factor, but many. Stack all these mismatches together and the two people together are constantly being frustrated by each other. Frustration often leads to anger, a desire to seek revenge, to hurt each other, so pretty soon your new found soul mate turns into your cell mate. We have a 52% divorce rate in some of our major countries, these feelings are too painful to bear in the long term for most of us. Frankly, why would you?

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